(no subject)

[floweranza]

[ Setting is a New York City bar located somewhere in Manhattan. DANIEL, a man in his late twenties, is slumped over the counter. It is the early hours of the morning, and the bar is conspicuously quiet. He shares his woes with SUSAN, a waitress on her night-shift. ]

DANIEL: Talking to no one. So I was saying, I mean, I was saying to him that-- He breaks off as the waitress bends to speak to him.

SUSAN: Another one, sir?

DANIEL: No, no, he glances around, no, I mean, wow. Look. There's no one h-here except us. This is New York City and there's no one here. Big Apple! How strange is that? It's like life is like, like... like, I'm just saying... ...another beer.

SUSAN: Somewhat sympathetically. Coming right up, sir.

DANIEL: Actually, w-wait.

SUSAN: Yes?

DANIEL: Do you have a minute? Miss... miss... He leans closer, reading the nametag on the front of SUSAN's blouse. Susan. A minute to talk. It's nice to have someone to talk to. This city's so big. It's just too big.

SUSAN: Sure, sir.

SUSAN sits down next to DANIEL at the counter. It is evident in her posture and tensed shoulders that she is tired. The bartender is wiping glasses, aimlessly, at the other end of the bar. SUSAN, upon putting her notepad on the counter, seems to be shedding her professionalism.

DANIEL:

Uhh. Do me a favour and rate the 'realness' of it, I suppose, on a scale from one to 10. If something's bothering you about it, tell me, since I have to hand this in on Monday.

Comments

[vikalpa.livejournal.com]

Question: do the waitresses say sir all the time?

(P.S. I'm going to be in NY 3/13 to 3/17~)

[floweranza.livejournal.com]

From what I've seen, they usually do. It's a courtesy-professional thing, unless you're in a seedy bar where they'd call you... I dunno, 'hot stuff' or something.

FOR ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES, this is a reputable bar and she's a nice lady.

(omg really? =f-gfpgp omg?)

[gypsyardor.livejournal.com]

I think she would have gotten him another beer before sitting down with him. I'm not so sure she would have wanted to sit and listen to him, unless she was young and lonely and he was oh so cute! lol :-P

What is very believable is the way he's talking in the beginning. He sounds like he's drunk. :)


So, my rating is an 8.

[floweranza.livejournal.com]

[nod] I might edit the beer part. He might need more drinkies. XD

Well, I'm thinking that since it's so late... or, well, early, she doesn't have much else to do. Besides, I've heard from friends of mine who've worked waitress/waiter positions that it's a lot of fun to just listen and talk to their customers, occasionally. But yeah, I might work on that.

Oh, excellent. :D Thanks!

[pure-faye.livejournal.com]

I like it a lot! :D

10 from me. ^_^

[floweranza.livejournal.com]

Thaaaanks!

Daniel's the most awkward man ever.

[bewareibite.livejournal.com]

Is it bad that I totally pictured Daniel as Danimal? Anway...

I think the sirs are a bit excessive. I would take the last one out, seeing as she's "shedding her professionalism." But, otherwise, yay! I like your drunk voice.

[floweranza.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I ended up talking to my teacher about the sirs. I think they're going - or at least most of them.

Daniel - well, you have to feel sorry for Daniel. But... at least he's not totally drinking himself into oblivion, which is good.

Yay! ♥